On her first day of teaching grammar school, a young woman was introducing herself to some first graders, telling them how she hoped they'd all get to know each other better. Just then she backed up against the blackboard map, which rolled up like a window shade and pulled her skirt up past her waist. The class was very quiet as she struggled until she detached herself and got her skirt back down again. Then one little boy broke the silence by saying, "We know you better already."
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Could You Use A Laugh?
(754 posts) (41 voices)-
maizeydaze
MemberPosted 16 years ago # -
maizeydaze
Membergraylox, they can be funny...sometimes. Don't worry, I'm not pregnant or anything!
Posted 16 years ago # -
CreamyPretzel
MemberAn electrician comes home at midnight, and his wife says,
"Wire you insulate?"
He replies,
"Watts it to you?.....I'm ohm, ain't I?"
Posted 16 years ago # -
Robert
StrayCatMaizey
I wonder,are still up or did you rise early?
:)Hi Graylox,
Sure is a nice day for a sip of that forbidden fruit this afternoon.
Wish you could join me.
Hot and sunny and close to midday over here but still a bit early for me ..I just got a message 'slow down,you move too fast' from BB press.
:)Posted 16 years ago # -
maizeydaze
Membercreamy, good wordplay! :)
Robert, went to sleep at 11 PM. Was awakened at 3 AM by the sound of 4 drunken women singing, very loud and off key. I was not at home at the time, but had enough of the noise and drove home for peace and quiet. Now wide awake.
Posted 16 years ago # -
Robert
StrayCatI suppose they weren't singing Chiquitita ...
Or was it what shall we do with the drunken sailor
:)Posted 16 years ago # -
maizeydaze
MemberNope. It was "henry the 8th". Followed by We are the champions!
Posted 16 years ago # -
Robert
StrayCatNo wonder you wanted peace and quit...
That reminds me of a very controversial vid back then -at the US-(and maybe still,I don't know)
I Want to Break Free.
But I like the music.Posted 16 years ago # -
maizeydaze
MemberYes, but it was still a good one. Don't you agree?
__________________________________________________A woman was in her basement, doing the wash, when she heard someone coming down the stairs. Thinking it was her little girl, who was ready for her nap, she said, "Get upstairs, honey, and get into bed. I'll be right there." Then she looked up-and it was the the meter man.
Posted 16 years ago # -
maizeydaze
MemberGeez, not going to adopt one either. Well, if he's at least 18 and has a good job...maybe.
Posted 16 years ago # -
Robert
StrayCatMight be nearer than you could possibly imagine.Lol.
;)
..or anything is just an expression without meaning anything ..
(though it is confusing,I agree,but I suppose all American women are)
Edit- Oops!...I Did It AgainPosted 16 years ago # -
maizeydaze
MemberPosted 16 years ago # -
funkymom
MemberRude Parrot
David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude.
David tried to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got more angry and more rude.
Finally in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking and kicking and screaming then suddenly there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said, "I'm sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions and ask for your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior."
David was astounded at the bird's change in attitude, and was just about to ask what had made such a drastic change, when the parrot continued,
"Now, if I may ask, what did the chicken do?"
Posted 16 years ago # -
funkymom
MemberNo Tapping
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped Centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, “Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!“
The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much.”
The driver replied, “Its okay, thats not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I’ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.”
Posted 16 years ago # -
Robert
StrayCatPeace and Quiet
Aunt Karen is the mother of two high-spirited young girls. When I called her one morning, our conversation was constantly interrupted by the din of kids screaming and chasing each other. "Could you hold on for a moment?" my aunt finally asked.
Within ten seconds all I could hear was absolute silence. Then, "Okay, I'm back."
"But it's so quiet!" I exclaimed. "You must have complete control over those two."
"Not really," my aunt confessed wearily. "I'm in the closet."
Posted 16 years ago # -
Robert
StrayCatThe Cat
Brenda and Terry are going out for the evening. The last thing they do is put their cat out.
The taxi arrives, and as the couple walk out of the house, the cat scoots back in.
Terry returns inside to chase it out. Brenda, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explains to the taxi driver, 'My husband is just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.'
Several minutes later, an exhausted Terry arrives and climbs back into the taxi saying, 'Sorry I took so long, the stupid idiot was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger several times before I could get her to come out!'
Posted 16 years ago # -
maizeydaze
MemberBeauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear, but what we are inside.
So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!
Posted 16 years ago # -
CreamyPretzel
MemberI'm younger than John McCain.
Posted 16 years ago # -
Paulga
Memberfunkymom.............very funny!....and interesting! we get an update on a daily basis over here, imagine if john mccain was in a tin, it would be past its sell by date. Wow a revelation? creamypretzel is even younger than mccain......come to think of it so am i, even my newt is younger???
Paulga
Posted 16 years ago # -
Buckleysmom
MemberThis kid must have rubber for bones....
Posted 16 years ago # -
maizeydaze
MemberBK, he's definitely loose. :)
________________________________________________________A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the checkout, And she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."
He answered, "That's okay."
"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Goodbye, Mom" as I leave the store, It would make me feel so happy."
She then went through the checkout, And as she was on her way out of the store, The man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."
The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine Into someone's day, he w ent to pay for his Groceries.
"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.
"How come so much ... I only bought 5 items.."
The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said
You'd be paying for her things, too."Posted 16 years ago #
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