Maizey, this one is for you and in keeping with the Groucho Marx theme.
"I married your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment when you arrived."
-- (Horse Feathers, 1932) Groucho Marx
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(179 posts) (32 voices)-
maizeydaze
Memberrobm, nice little jab! Please, do better, as I know my parents are very fond of their first born (me). Here is one for you, also in the same theme.
"I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it."
- Groucho MarxPosted 16 years ago # -
robm
MemberNo it wasn't meant like that, it was the quote which made me laugh the most by Marx. Here I'll try again. I can see in retrospect how it could have been misconstrued, my sincerest apologies.
"I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine:
We were both crazy about girls."
-Groucho MarxPosted 16 years ago # -
maizeydaze
Memberrobm - No need for apologies! I'm not that sensitive. Yes, and I laughed at that one too. With me, the more sarcastic it is, the better. Lighten up! :)
"My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed."
- Liner notes of An Evening With Groucho (1972) the recording of his appearance at Carnegie Hall.Posted 16 years ago # -
maizeydaze
MemberAge is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
- Mark TwainPosted 16 years ago # -
maizeydaze
MemberI have never been hurt by what I have not said.
- Calvin CoolidgePosted 16 years ago # -
maizeydaze
MemberHumor is mankind's greatest blessing.
-Mark TwainPosted 16 years ago # -
maizeydaze
MemberThe person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused.
--Shirley Maclaine
_________________________________Hi longerlox! LOL Missed you yesterday! How the heck are you?
Posted 16 years ago # -
maizeydaze
MemberNo, my friends... no, money will never make you happy, and happy will never make you money. That might be a wisecrack, but I doubt it.
- Groucho Marx, "The Cocoanuts"Posted 16 years ago # -
absminprof
MemberI am free of all prejudice I hate everyone equally.
I always keep a supply of stimulant brandy in case I see a snake—which
I also keep handy.W.C.Fields
Posted 16 years ago # -
I got these in a email, "When Insults were Clever".
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my
husband I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd Drink
it."A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the
gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said
Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.""He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -
Winston Churchill"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston
Churchill"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
pleasure." Clarence Darrow"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the
dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)."Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" -
Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time
reading it." - Moses Hadas"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
- Abraham Lincoln"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved
of it." - Mark Twain"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is
one." - Winston Churchill, in response."I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -
Stephen Bishop"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." -
Irvin S. Cobb"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." -
Samuel Johnson"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." Jack E.
Leonard"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human
knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -
Charles, Count Talleyrand"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
- Mark Twain"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar
Wilde"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather
than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -
Groucho MarxPosted 16 years ago # -
absminprof
MemberGiving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
Mark Twain
There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
Benjamin Disraeli
Posted 16 years ago # -
maizeydaze
MemberIf I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
- Groucho MarxPosted 16 years ago # -
absminprof
MemberA cigarette is a pipe with a fire at one end and a fool at the other.
—Author UnknownPosted 16 years ago # -
absminprof
MemberThere is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
P. G. Wodehouse
Posted 16 years ago # -
absminprof
MemberDoes look like that, doesn't it ? Didn't mean it that way though. Here is another one from P.G.WODEHOUSE
Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them.
Posted 16 years ago #
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