Just for you, Maizey.
Nobody else is authorized to read further! Stop it. You've been warned! If you do, you will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law according to the Patriot Act. I mean it.
Maizey, the dismal economy notwithstanding, luck has shined upon me as I am in receipt of a most opportune email offer from a respected lawyer who has selected me (ME!!) to perform a simple task in return for a lot of money. I eagerly responded, and look forward to treating you to a fancy birthday dinner next year should things proceed smoothly... and how could they not?:
Dear Honorable Sir Spitzer, Esq.
I am deeply apologizing for the delay in responding to your generous proposal, but we have been very busily engaged in repatriating several other large sums to living relatives of deceased people who unfortunately expired intestate after painfully long illnesses or surprise political assassinations. By jove, your countrymen certainly produce many dead rich people!
We are always so much happy to help that we have developed a standard operating procedure (herein known as our Clan D-Styne SOP) and have carefully cultivated a supremely efficient and convivial reputation, not to mention we are known for being very very very discreteful. I presume this must be why you contacted us, correct? Our reputation precedes us, yes? Do you happen to know Barrister Leroy McIlarney of Leeds, Enland UK, or perhaps you're acquainted with The Right Royal Paynein D. Assol of Petticote de'Junction? We have favorably concluded monetary, precious metals and real estate type property transfers totalling several dozens of millions of dollars (US) for both of these fine legal attorneymen.
This your proposal should work out greatly for both you and we, as the offer of 40% of $29.5 million simply for having the same last name as your deceased dead client is almost exactly what we require to complete and finish our magnificent mansion on the shores of Tripoli.
Please note one oversight - you did not specifically to address either myself or my partner by exact surname reference. Thusly, and to make sure and ascertain absolutely and beyond all shadow of unwholesomeness doubt that your offer is not a bad hoax, please would you to email to us the correctly spelled last name of the aforementioned and above referenced deceased family member so that we may verify that it (the name) does indeed matches one of us in the exactness of identicality? In effectual, please advise if you are seeking the personal redhanded cooperation of Maynard G. Krebs (me) or Miss Antoinette Funicello? (my wife, partner and mother of my 5 children)
Thank you for including us in your widely distributed missive. Immediately and as soon as we hear from you or even sooner except if it arrives on a religious holiday, we will be ready to establish and create an expeditiously more formal and reliable method of covert communication, preferably through our constabulary. We recognize that time is running out fast to enemanize the bank vault where the monies are "lodged tight" like an impacted colon.
NOTE: To make your email stands out from lesser known emailings of which we receive many many, PLEASE PUT ON SUBJECT LINE:
URGENT CLAN D-STYNE MONEY TRANSFER
With all due respectfullys, I remain,
Maynard G. Krebs
